He's the Very Model of A Modern Major Captain
by BeatleBomb
Summary: This is my first fic! Ichigo's first day as captain proves to be... rather stressful. From shunpo-ing into random shinigami to taking on a flying Zaraki, Captain Kurosaki certainly has his work cut out for himself. IchiRuki Continuation fic is up!


This is my first fic… so… flame if you like, hehe… but please review in the very least. 

**Disclaimer:** I own these pair of pants that I'm wearing. God owns the universe. Tite Kubo owns Bleach and all characters related to said… thingy…

In the middle of the story, you'll notice odd text in italics. This signifies Ichigo and Byakuya arguing in the background 

" " _marks Ichigo's lines_

_- - marks Byakuya's lines  
__

* * *

RIIIIIIIIIIIING!_

The sun blinded him as he opened his eyes.

RIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Ichigo Kurosaki sighed deeply as he sat up in his bed.

RIIIIIIIIIIING!

He crushed his alarm clock with a trembling fist.

"Today is gonna be a long day", he mumbled.

After stretching and yawning a few times, Ichigo got out of bed and groggily changed from his pajamas into his shinigami robes. Once he was done fumbling with his sash, he walked into the kitchen and gulped down the cold coffee he had left on the table the night before. He sleepily grabbed a curry roll and took hold of it with his mouth. He opened a closet door and grabbed Zangetsu. He then walked through the front door, muttering under his breath something about strangling a certain raven-haired midget for making him do this. He looked at the clock on his way out.

9:12

After staring blankly at the ticking machine, his face slowly transformed into a look a sheer, utter terror.

"SHIT! I OVERSLEPT! AGGGGGH!!!" Ichigo screamed, so loud, I might add, you would rather stab your eyes with a salad fork than listening another second to this orange haired banshee.

Dropping the roll from his mouth, Ichigo ran down the walkway and skidded to the right. After dodging several other shinigami, he ran into someone's chest, which felt very very

… bouncy…

"Hey! Watch where you're going idiot! Help me and pick up these damn papers!" Matsumoto yelled as all her hard work came fluttering to the ground.

Ichigo didn't reply and just kept on running. He was nervous around "indecent" women,

and Rangiku Matsumoto made the top of the list, trailing directly behind Yoruichi. He skidded then turned a heel to the right. Knowing that he was late, he decided to use Shun-po, but ended up colliding with another poor defenseless sucker- I mean, person, sending medicine jars all over the place in the process.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!" shouted a frustrated Ichigo, who was kicking his current victim in a fit of rage.

Ignoring the fact that he had knocked out Hanataro with a well-placed kick to the head, he kept running towards his destination. On the way, he quickly jerked his head into a random room and desperately looked for a clock.

"9:14, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead!"

Having found one, Ichigo sped off, paying no heed to the half naked couple in the room.

"Wuh…..who was that?" creaked a blushing Hinamori.

"… That orange haired bastard is dead if he breathes a single word of this." Hitsugaya said through his clenched teeth, twitching angrily.

* * *

Ichigo abruptly stopped in front of a large building. "Damn, I'm gonna get my ass chewed out for this." He opened the door with a shaking hand and slowly entered.

Inside the room were Yamamoto, Renji Abarai, Byakuya Kuchiki, and Rukia Kuchiki.

"It is not considered very polite to be twenty minutes late for your first day debriefing, Kurosaki."

"Shove a sock in it you fruitcake."

"Ichigo!" shouted a shocked Rukia.

"Now you're in for it." Renji said to himself.

"I do not take kindly to insults Kurosaki, so I suggest you pipe down and stop wasting our time." Byakuya said coolly

"Oh yeah? Well f…"

As he was about to fire the F-Bomb at Byakuya, Ichigo looked at Rukia's stern face, grumbled, and crossed his arms, admitting defeat.

Yamamoto spoke up, saying "Good, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let us get down to business. Ichigo, as you know, it is unusual that anyone, a ryoka nonetheless, is able to attain the rank of captain so quickly. But, in light of recent events, the other captains, their subordinates, and I have agreed to accept you into 3rd division. Congratulations."

Yamamoto held out a folded white coat with the number "3" facing upwards. Ichigo, knowing what it was, bowed and took the captain's haori from his hands.

"Thank you Captain Yamamoto." he said with a determined face.

"Just be sure to do your job, and there will be no need for trouble."

Ichigo got a confused look on his face. "Is this old geezer threatening me?" he thought. He disregarded his mental comment. "So what do I do first? Anything exciting?" he said with a half-smile.

"Well, if you are anything like Captain Hitsugaya, then yes, you're in for a lot of fun."

Byakuya slightly smirked at Yamamoto's comment

Score! Ichigo shouted in his mind. Oh yeah, being a captain is gonna be aweso- wait… did he just say "Hitsugaya"? That frosty haired shrimp?... Crap…

"Yes, your first job as captain will be having to fill out your acceptance forms as well as other technical papers. You must also perform daily unit checkups, to make sure your division is in order."

"So…. paper…. work?" asked Ichigo meekly

"Precisely"

Aw, double crap

"Oh, I should also mention that since Lieutenant Izuru has been missing in action for quite some time now, you will need a new lieutenant. You are free to choose anyone you please in the Gotei 13, as long as they agree. I will expect their paperwork along with your own by tomorrow morning."

"New lieutenant, huh? I wonder…" Ichigo thought has he allowed his gaze to shift over to Rukia. When their eyes met, they both turned away blushing.

"Damn lovebirds." was all Renji thought has he rolled his eyes.

"Unless you have any other questions, you may leave."

As Ichigo looked around again, something garnered his interest.

"Well, I was kind of wondering something…"

"Yes?" chimed in Yamamoto

"Um, well, why are Rukia and Renji here?" Ichigo asked, looking at people as he said their name.

Yamamoto just laughed heartily.

"Don't you know? They the ones that came to me with the idea in the first place!"

"… So what's Byakuya doing here…" Ichigo said flatly

In a way, Byakuya Kuchiki was a bit like Toushiro Hitsugaya: they both hated noy being called by their title. Byakuya was especially miffed since this was Ichigo.

"I too came to Commander Yamamoto with the intention of making you a captain. Seeing as how we have lost three captains in such a short time, you were the first person I thought of that would be suitable for the position. And that's Captain Kuchiki, Kurosaki." Byakuya said coolly, but clearly pissed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll start sucking up when you start calling me Captain Kurosaki!"

"I will not give in to your childish game, just call me by my title and that will be the end of it."

"Not until you call me captain too."

"Stop being stubborn Kurosaki."

"I'M STUBBORN?!?!?" shouted Ichigo, leaning his face in towards Byakuya's.

"I'd appreciate it if you stepped back Kurosaki."

"THAT'S CAPTAIN KUROSAKI!" Ichigo continued to yell.

"Move back before I have to use force"

"Call me captain before I have to shove my zanpaku-to down your throat!"

"Kurosaki, you have neither the physical nor mental capacity to attack, much less defeat me."

Now fuming, Ichigo said angrily "Oh yeah? Well, our fight at the execution grounds says differently!"

That little comment had made Byakuya enraged, but he still kept his calm disposition. "That was merely a draw. Had I not went all out on you, you would not be standing in so rudely in front of me right now."

As the two continued bickering, Renji leaned in his head towards Rukia's "Your boyfriend is quite the smooth talker."

"All out?!?!? The only thing that you went all out on was losing!" 

Rukia blushed deeply and stuttered "He's n-not my b-boyfriend. There's nothing between us! We're just friends!"

- _Kurosaki, I will say it again, you cannot defeat me. Stop being so arrogant. - _

Renji wasn't that stupid.

"Agh! I'll show you! BANKAI!!!" 

"Then what were you two doing last week on the roof of the school back in Karakura?" he asked ever so calmly.

_- Sigh If I must show you the hard way Kurosaki, then I shall. Bankai. - _

"We we're just eating lunch together like we always do! I didn't kiss him!" she retorted getting more embarrassed by the second.

"_Heh, don't cry if you get hurt."_

Finding an opening, he said his next sentence ever so slyly.

- _Worry for your own sake - _

"I never said that you did."

"_That's it, YOU'RE DEAD!"_

Now redder than Renji's hair, Rukia was about to scream at him, had it not been for Yamamoto.

_- Come on then -_

"ENOUGH!" bellowed the old man

Everyone went silent, but Rukia was still blushing fiercely.

"Now, Captain Kurosaki, Captain Kuchiki, I will tolerate no more of your inane arguments! We have nothing more to discuss, so take this somewhere else if need be!"

Byakuya was the first to respond. "I am sorry for my behavior Commander, it will not happen again, I assure you."

Ichigo glanced angrily at Byakuya, then to Yamamoto and said, "Uh, yeah, I'm sorry too… I'll try to keep myself calm next time."

"Very good. Until the next meeting, I bid you gentlemen, and Miss Kuchiki, a good day." And with that, Yamamoto had left.

Following the commandel's actions, Byakuya left the building without a word, but not before sending an ice-cold glare at Ichigo.

"So… um… what were YOU guys fighting about?" Ichigo asked as he turned to a still-blushing Rukia and a grinning Renji.

"NOTHING!" yelped Rukia.

"Heh, yeah Ichigo, nothing, don't worry about it. Well, will you look at the time? Captain Kuchiki is gonna have my ass on a platter if I don't get hand in my paperwork by tonight." Renji jumped up to a windowsill and said, " Seriously, you two make a cute couple. Ha ha!" Before Ichigo or Rukia could react, Renji was gone. After standing around awkwardly for a moment, Rukia finally spoke up.

"So… uh… captain now, huh?" Was all Rukia managed to get out.

"Um… yeah…."

"Well… uh… good luck finding your new lieutenant…"

As Rukia was heading for the door, Ichigo suddenly yelled, "WAIT!" Rukia turned back to Ichigo and saw him blushing.

"Well… I… uh… was… um… I… was wondering… if… uh… Rukia?" Ichigo stuttered.

"I-Ichigo?"

"Would you be my lieutenant?"

Rukia was expecting a somewhat different response, but was still overjoyed nonetheless.

"Really!? Oh, thank you Ichigo! That means so much!" she kept saying as she tried to wrap her arms around him and hug him.

"Uh… no problem…" Ichigo said, blushing more ferociously.

Still smiling, Rukia said, "Well, I guess I better go inform Captain Ukitake of my transfer. See you at HQ!" Then, she jumped up at Ichigo, wrapped her arms around his neck, and planted her lips onto his. As soon as the shock had settled in, Ichigo deepened the kiss.

"Well… uh… see ya later…." Ichigo nervously said after breaking the kiss.

"Um, yeah, same here."

After Rukia had left, Ichigo let out a big sigh of relief. He felt a lot happier now, and was even looking forward to paperwork. "Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all." he thought as he left the building.

* * *

Ichigo sauntered off to his office in 3rd Division headquarters to take a look at the tedious paperwork awaiting him. As he entered the doors to his workspace, he gasped. His office was very big, which amazed Ichigo. "It's like a gymnasium!" he thought.

The intricate designs of the wooden beams supporting the roof and the colorful paintings on the wall caused him to gaze in awe. He made his way towards his desk and playfully smacked the pile of papers on his desk, which flew about. He sat down in his chair and sank back into the deep cushions. "Soooooooo comfy…" he thought, and closed his eyes for a few minutes.

After dozing off for a bit, he took one look at the various papers strewn across the room and decided a bit of fresh air would prevent him from going crazy.

The sun was setting in Soul Society, and the Serieiti didn't have its normal feel of busyness and activity. Ichigo liked it like this. He decided to go check up on Rukia and see if she had informed Captain Ukitake of her transfer yet. As he headed for 13th Division HQ, something caught his attention in the sky.

At first, he dismissed it as a bird or his eyes playing tricks on him. The object rapidly got bigger, then took on the shape of an elephant. "What the hell, an elephant?" Ichigo thought. No, not an elephant, but still something very big. It wasn't until he heard a certain scream did he know who it was.

"HI ICHI!!!!!!"

Yachiru Kusajishi jumped off the flying object, who by now Ichigo could distinguish as 11th Division's captain, Kenpachi Zaraki. Zaraki drew his zanpaku-to and started making wild swinging motions at Ichigo.

"HEY THERE KUROSAKI!!!!! SO, CAPTAIN HUH? THAT'S GREAT! NOW I CAN FIGHT YOU ANYTIME I WANT!" the tank with arms shouted as he shook the ground with his landing.

"Get the hell away from me you spiky bell haired freak!"

"Oh, come now! That's no way to talk to a fellow captain!"

Zaraki thrust his zanpaku-to towards Ichigo's chest, but only managed to scrape his arm.

"Damn" Ichigo thought.

"Ha ha! You're getting slow Kurosaki! This is boring, so show me what you can do with Bankai!"

The two captains stopped dead in their tracks.

Ichigo sighed. "If it'll stop you from harassing me, fine."

Zaraki simply grinned.

"Ban-"

Zaraki's grin grew into a psychotic smile.

"-KAI!!! _Tensa Zangetsu!!!_"

Ichigo shot out a blue beam towards Zaraki, who easily dodged it. Once the dust had settled, Ichigo was wearing black suit and donning a pitch black, shrunken Zangetsu.

"Good… GOOD! Now let's see the damage that thing does!"

Zaraki rushed towards Ichigo and stabbed at him. Ichigo just used Shun-po and got behind him.

"Too slow."

Ichigo cut through Zaraki's back, causing a large amount of blood to come gushing out of the deep line on the smiling monster.

"Too weak." Zaraki replied and grabbed Zangetsu, pulling Ichigo in front of him.

Ichigo let go of his zanpaku-to and quickly got back behind Zaraki. He jumped onto the behemoth's shoulders and gave him a few swift kicks to the head. Seeing his chance, he quickly grabbed Zangtsu and sliced his opponent with several powerful strokes.

As Zaraki struggled to stay on his feet, Ichigo warped a few meters back and shouted "_Getsuga Tenshō!!!!!" _Ichigo waved Zangetsu and fired three crescent shaped energy beams, all three of which cut his adversary, spilling even more blood.

"Heh, you've gotten better... much better." Zaraki whispered as he fell down.

By the time the elephant was face down, his blood had covered the entire battlefield.

"Damn, how that guy can lose so much blood is beyond me."

Yachiru jumped out from her hiding spot and grabbed the giant's arm.

"Thanks for fighting Kenny again Ichi! He sure had a fun time, even though it was short. See ya later Ichi!"

Yachiru ran off in the direction of 4th Division's relief stations, giggling all the while.

Ichigo reverted to his normal state and fell down on his back.

"Goddamn psychos"

* * *

_Meanwhile, at 13th Division HQ_.

"Ah, it'll be a shame seeing you go Miss Kuchiki. Are you sure you want to transfer?"

"Positive, Captain Ukitake."

"You must really be in love with this guy."

Rukia was now sweating profusely.

"W-Well… I-I… Uh…"

"Ha ha! It's alright Miss Kuchiki, I won't tell anyone, especially not your brother."

Rukia calmed down a bit.

"Th-Thank you sir. It's been an honor serving under you."

Rukia bowed then opened the doors to her former captain's office and walked out. Ukitake thought of Ichigo, and an image of his long gone lieutenant popped into his head.

"Take good care of her Ichigo. She needs someone like you." he thought while coughing.

* * *

_Ichigo's Dream_

"_Sgt. Pepper! We've been informed of Nowhere Men in the area! shouted an unnamed soldier._

_Ichigo, now donning a blue suit and hat replied, "Damn, go back to the field and tell me what you see! Mr. Mustard? Hit the gas and drive my car! Follow the sun! The road is long and winding, but just dig it! "_

_Ichigo suddenly heard a voice._

_End of Dream_

"Hey lazy, wake up"

Ichigo ignored the voice.

"Didn't you hear me? Wake up."

Ichigo continued to ignore it and the prodding sensation in his ribs.

"Ichigo, for the last time, WAKE UP!"

Ichigo finally jerked up, due to being stepped on the face.

"OWWWW!"

"Psh, finally."

"What the hell is wrong with you Rukia?!?!"

"I checked in on your office and found out that you didn't do any of your paperwork yet! It's already the middle of the night, and we have to turn in our papers to Commander Yamamoto tomorrow morning!"

Ichigo, now standing, said, "God, fine, fine, I was just resting. I mean, I just fought Kenpachi Zaraki. That'll exhaust anyone, even me!"

"What the hell were you doing picking fights?"

"Hey, I didn't want to pick a fight with him! That crazy masochist jumped on me out of nowhere!"

Rukia, not amused, turned away and walked toward Ichigo's office.

"I'll be in your office doing my PAPERWORK if you need me."

Taking the hint, Ichigo caught up with his lieutenant.

"Alright, I'll fill out those stupid papers. Happy?"

"Very" said a smiling Rukia.

* * *

Ichigo and Rukia were sitting together on the floor doing their paperwork. It was late at night, and they had a few lamps on in the room. Their work area was littered with crumpled papers, broken pencils, and a few cups of what used to be filled with coffee.

"My god, why do captains and lieutenants need to do so much paperwork?" Ichigo groaned as he brought his hands to his face.

Rukia looked over at her captain and sighed. "Because Central 46 wants to make sure the Gotei 13 has everything in order. They also want to be informed of any new officers or seats, you know, promotion stuff. The papers are basically reports on a division's activities."

Ichigo, still with his hands to his face, groaned, "Then why the hell can't we get a separate branch of shinigami to do all this paperwork?"

Rukia stared at him questioningly. "Because… you know… I don't really know. That's a good idea. Maybe because they want everything to be formal?"

"Formal my ass." He replied, taking a big gulp from his coffee cup.

"Don't swear Ichigo, it makes you sound ugly." Rukia said with a disappointed face.

Ichigo didn't hear her, as he was too busy worrying about his burned tongue.

"OW OW OW OW! DAMMIT! THAT FING COFFEE IS HOT!" Ichigo screamed.

"Then wait until it cools down stupid!"

"Well, I poured it an hour ago! I assumed it would cold!"

"What the, I gave you some more five minutes ago!"

"Then why the hell didn't you tell me? What kind of person are you to let someone scald their mouth!"

"Oh gee, I'm sorry, I didn't know you weren't smart enough to check if your coffee was hot or not!"

Ichigo tried to get up and give her a piece of his mind, but spilled his coffee on his lap.

"Dammit! Not again!" he shouted.

The coffee made him lose his balance, and he ended up falling on top of Rukia.

"Ichigo…"

"Well… I… Um…"

Noticing that his hands were both grabbing onto Rukia's chest, he saw her embarrassed face turn into pure anger.

"PERVERT! GET OFF!" she shouted with her eyes closed.

"Shit, sorry! I didn't mean to! I'm off, I'm off!"

A wailing Ichigo scurried and quickly turned his head away from the screaming shinigami.

Rukia touched the spot on her chest where Ichigo and been, and blushed. She shook the naughty thoughts out of her mind and walked over to him.

"There, I'm done." she said plopping a stack of papers next to Ichigo. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get some sleep."

Rukia yawned and put Shirayuki on a table. She took her sandals off and laid down on the couch.

Waiting until he was sire that Rukia was asleep, Ichigo walked over and sat down next to her.

Looking at his lieutenant's sleeping form, he whispered, "She's so beautiful." He bent over and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you Rukia," he thought out loud.

As Ichigo got up and returned to his paperwork, he could've sworn he heard Rukia say something back.

* * *

_NOT RADIO-KON BABY!!!!!!!_

Hello to the three or four people that read this! This is my first fic, so I know it sucks out loud. So fluffy near the end --. Flame as much as you want, I need the criticism, but at least review! Your reviews are like sweet sweet candy to me…. candy…. candy that haunts me every night with its sugary beauty…. REVIEW NOW DAMMIT! crouches in corner, drooling about candy


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